Dear! 2. Otherwise I feel like Im horning in on someone elses territory their right to be proud of their own accomplishments. Most times, people use "I am busy" as a tool for avoidance. Thats why its important to take their words seriously and to respond in a meaningful way. When someone says Im proud of you, first of all thanking them is the common response we usually have. I googled a sentence on this topic to see if anyone had written on it (hoping they had). . He thinks you're absolutely wonderful and he's pumped to be in a relationship with you; it's written all over his face. But I believe that spouses say it, and siblings. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. I have never regarded the word pride as implying that the one feeling it is somehow responsible for it. relationship advice marriage advice Women love advice. It can be difficult to respond to Im proud of you if youre struggling with self-doubt. I very quickly responded with a snappy, Why? He said because you were up last night with the baby, and went to work, and youre still cleaning this late at night. Um What a shock that I am hardly sleeping, cleaning constantly, working again, taking care of two babies, doing his laundry/dishes/cooking It really rubbed me the wrong way that he was proud of me. 2. Because this was someone elses idea. "Well," you respond with enthusiasm, "I'm so excited right now. 8. It is arrogant. When your partner is mad at you, your flirty responses to I hate you will certainly make them laugh. I agree with you: its sad that he did what my parents should have done. I live about 200 miles from the old college & she lives in the same town as the college is located. Listen to your inner wisdom, and make a note of the meaning that resonates with you. I was talking about this statement Im Proud of you to a friend.I was annoyed about someone saying they were proud of me who barley knows me. From that day on, I felt like I couldnt really trust him, and now I know why. However, is this what happens? Whatever influence we had on the person, or information we gave the person, what they did with it is their accomplishment not ours. Believe me when I tell you that it is not meant so kindly elsewhere. Well, in that case, you should be proud of yourself, too. Mull over various relaxing options, like meeting up for coffee or tea, and then send along one concrete plan, Manly says. And do you really mean that you are damned impressed with your friend for her achievement? You worked so hard, you really deserve that job! 4 . Suddenly I found myself questioning my rather lame Im thrilled for you. You might say: "I'm so proud of you for trying to quit smoking. the person who says that is actually talking about themselves, not about me, and by saying that is drawing the recognition away from me towards themselves. It remains condescending and arrogant. Thank you so much. 11. Thats the response I was expecting from you. Some years ago I attended a parenting seminar, where the speaker incidentally mentioned avoiding the phrase "Im proud of you". 2. So we arranged to have her drive to the hotel where I was staying and we drove there together. With teens and adults, saying "I'm proud of you" is a bit different. Totally the sort of thing that deserves a fist to the nose. Youre my friend, not my parents! Date TBA. I can see a peer, a spouse, or even a child saying that to someone who got a new deserved promotion, for instance. I wouldn't trade your friendship for anything in the world. If these 10 phrases come up often, they're signs he doesn't want a relationship with you, and you should move on with someone who can be the person you deserve. (I'd prefer "I'm really impressed with report - I can see how much effort you put in, and it's going to be helpful for the organisation". Yeah, this means a lot to me. Briefly, some difficulties include: Four-year-old John shows his Mum a painting he's just done. Praise such as this is a subject on its own much research and many, many books have been written on the negative aspects of praise. Larissa Dann, a veteran trainer of Parent Effectiveness Training in Australia, suggests that we stop saying "I am proud of you," and start saying, "I am proud for you." 1 It is a subtle shift from the accomplishment being about the parent to the accomplishment being about the child. You're not necessarily the expert. Here are other litmus tests I've blogged about. Specialized in marketing, with 'communication' as a favorite subject, Ketan P. is a head writer at 'Better Responses'. This will show your appreciation for their support and will help to strengthen your relationship. 1 y. I'm so proud of you" I say things like "I love seeing you so happy with your work" and "I love seeing your words in print". I also told her I had a great time & that she picks up my spirits. PJ, I will give my thoughts on your post at the end of my post. She reciprocated. When someone insults you, the first thing you want to do is take a pause and a deep breath. And Ill encourage them to be proud. But I gratuitously accepted his compliment. . . This will help to build your self-esteem and will help you to feel more confident. Renew your PET skills; complete the full course over flexible times; or one-off parenting sessions. Be proud that you are here. Basically, its an ambiguous expression. but with my Mothers words of wisdom always echoing. Congratulations to our dearest son. Thank You. Proud Boys celebrate President Trump's callout to them during debate. One man said, "I am so proud of my partner when we are at receptions together; many men are around her wishing to make love to her . Here are 5 other ways to say "I'm proud of you" to older children: 06 "It's been an honor to watch you grow up." This can be used for both a teen and an adult. This is 20 years ago, and I still remember this moment. stories on the Parent Skills website are posted only as opinion or ideas, and are general in nature. The first time I remember hearing it said to me (though I'm sure there were times before the instance I'm describing . Your email address will not be published. You cannot be proud of anything you were born with, only with what you achieve. You have overcome something you may not had confidence in yourself to succeed. 2. Imagine this: Four-year-old John shows his Mum a painting he's just done. Get your facts straight. Looking for some extra money from your parents? Wondering where that may be coming from. Like Im only worth anything just because Im making money? In this research, children of parents who never said "I'm proud of you" were significantly more likely to contemplate, plan or attempt suicide. A very concise and articulate post. Thank you for always being such a supportive partner. (My answer might surprise you. Now, John may hear "I'm disappointed that this is the same picture. SFD a bit late in the day to be commenting but I think your assessment of the phrase is spot on. He's proud of you. Had I ever thought about the meaning behind these words? Its all because of blessings and good wishes, I could do it. Can "me too" be used here? You know that I'm bound to see you. One might consider that the mature thing to do, or the business savvy thing to do, but she has had nothing to do with them for years, because they are arrogant and condescending. Instead of these phrases, focus on how proud you are of the person. Im proud of myself, although saying it out loud doesnt make it better. Maybe Im mad, because it makes me feel like he thinks I wasnt doing enough before I started back at work- like carrying children inside of my body for nearly two years, plus birthing them, plus never sleeping, plus cleaning for HOURS upon HOURS everyday, plus cooking, plus plus plus wasnt enough to be proud of. Which brings me to my next point. No. That way, all they have to do is show up. The Proud Boys ' anger toward Mr. Trump has heightened after he did nothing to help those in the group who face legal action for the Capitol violence. Marilyn, My life changed the day I heard Mr. Rogers tell me he liked me just the way I was. She is an accredited and highly experienced P.E.T. So, if youve achieved something in your educational or professional field, and someone informs you theyre proud of you, it means you did a great job there. Approval is different to acceptance. When you respond to someones words of admiration with gratitude, youre showing that you value and respect them. 15. Prior to going back, I asked if shed be going to the homecoming tailgate and football game. 10. The phrase "Im proud of you" insinuates that the speaker (parent, teacher, co-worker, boss) has more experience, or power, or in some manner has the right to pronounce their opinion, on someone elses effort. I was very annoyed with her (mainly due to her attitude) and balled her out at the til. I know Im a couple of years behind, but was thinking about it this morning. And black adults (57%) are more likely than whites (43%) or Hispanics (42%) to know someone who falls into . 3. A compliment like this means a lot to us, seeing that we give our people a chance to be happy and proud because of us. Just let them be. I think children want simply to be accepted and respected as themselves. Well also discuss the power of words, the benefits of responding with gratitude, and how to show appreciation to others. He remembers things that you tell him. You certainly will. After reading these posts, I think the following: a person will feel pride in anothers accomplishment when they feel deeply connected with the other. For what? Likewise, these are special, cute, and funny replies when someone says I am proud of you and you dont know what to respond next. "), Friend: "I'm proud of you for being brave and standing up to your boss", As the friend who has found that courage, is this statement something you would appreciate? About 5 years ago, an ex college girlfriend and I began emailing each other occasionally (not often just once every 2-3 months or so). I do find it odd to say "I'm proud of you for doing the dishes". We love all of our readers and we want to you to know how much youre appreciated! I may never know but you can simply ask him if you question the genuineness in his response. (thanks to TK and Andy for helping think this through.). Oh.. very good. Thanks. I grew up being complimented for my looks . Larissa is passionate about the skills taught in Effectiveness Training. Family Tree. Pause before responding. Most of the time you spend together is in the bedroom. Focus on what is positive in their life and avoid getting overly . "I know someone in recovery". Language gets corrupted. This post was actually very helpful for me! I am certain that he would be very proud of you, and he would be proud of your decision to reset your life with rehab. Later, I saw her in a restaurant and apologized for balling her out in public. Tell Them You Care. I have a one year old boy and a two month old boy, and I had my first day back at work yesterday. I have a little brother who is rather insecure and jealous of me, a very controlling person that thinks having a relationship with each other means that I put up with him trying to make me feel less than in the power scheme, which is precisely why I totally avoid him My YOUNGER brother about my creative talents has to say..I am extremely proud of you..for a bit, this has thrown me off, and I was not able to quite articulate how this really got under my skin, why I did a search on the phrase and have been thinking about itand yeah, it does seem a major insult when an emotionally uncool person whose relationship with you should be on equal terms has to act like a parent, always making a show of being the bigger man saying boy, I am so proud of you. Granted that in many relationships, Im proud of you would strike a patronizing or otherwise false note. Approval is a parent's judgement of a child's choices - and to a child, this feels like a judgement of them as a person. No matter who they are, they all have one thing in common they make us feel loved. Who are children then living their life for - themselves, or their parent? 6. You would have to know the whole story. Narcissism can be a personality trait and a mental health disorder, and someone can have narcissistic tendencies without being labeled a "narcissist." When you live with narcissistic. It may not display this or other websites correctly. Friend: "At least you have a job or daughter.". Id opt for saying, Im happy for you. I dont think there is a neutral position. In what context? I dislike the phrase entirely, regardless of how we are involved in the individuals life: parent, teacher, mentor, etc. Were brothers, dont you forget that! No, I am more proud of you, too. My boys are all each others fan club and its marvelous. Im glad I found this interesting discussion, as I just had a man I am seeing state I am proud of you and it made me feel great, yet at the same time realized that it can come from a position of higher power so I needed to contemplate the relationship. To me, if someone I respect said they were proud of me, would mean much more and have a much better and more positive effect on me than if they said Im really happy for you because the feeling of someone being proud for me includes me, my efforts and achievements, and unites me with that person who said it at the moment of saying it. Why is your manager taking credit for the work you put into the report? God being what He is, at once moral and all-powerful, the immoral life is doomed to overthrow, whether the immorality consist in grasping rapacity, proud self-aggrandizement, cruel exaction, exulting triumph or senseless idolatry. Your partner is really happy about the achievement that you have made in your life or career. You had nothing whatsoever to do with any of this you pond-bottom suckers.. Connect, Converse and Communicate Better. And as it was your friends achievement, oughtnt she be the one who feels proud? Also, I really like the litmus test of how you would feel on the receiving end. . I dont know that you provided a litmus test, but the article acted as such for me. Hearing those words can make us feel seen, understood, and appreciated.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[970,90],'howdoirespondto_com-box-4','ezslot_3',180,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-howdoirespondto_com-box-4-0'); Its important to remember that the power of words goes both ways. That would have shown so much more appreciation for what I do 24 hours a day, instead of a measely Im proud of you.. The Obama campaign needs to walk this one back and pronto. The important thing is to reach out and let the person know that they matter to you. said Christopher Robin. In the South, people are proud of you if they know you. I got into a conflice with her sons girlfriend because this young woman was working in a store behind the til and had made a gross error in punching out my cash register amounts on my bill and I had to go and confront her to get a refund as the store owed me about $50 due to her errors. Responding to Im proud of you with gratitude is also a great way to show appreciation to others. Hearing those words can make us feel seen, understood, and appreciated. What a surprise! I teach high school. It makes a difference I think. The Mindset of the Ambitious Educational Elite, Thinking Clearly about a Persons Substance Amidst Stylistic Differences, On Intentionally Vague, Mystique-Infused Explanations of Talent, Book Notes: Lost & Found by Kathryn Shulz, Mindfulness of Consciousness Meditation Retreat. But arguing about what words mean is pointless- meanings vary. Well cover some of the better responses you can give, like thanking them, making them feel special, or making them laugh. "A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you." - C.S Lewis 2. I wouldnt get anxious about it. And, here are the respectful replies to respond with: 1. Pause, take a deep breath, and remember who you really are. Second, he must know you well. When you respond to Im proud of you with gratitude, youre reinforcing the positive behavior that you want to see in yourself and others. When you say, "I'm proud of you," you may actually be simply rejoicing in another. I'm so proud of your painting!" Is the childs achievement actually a reflection of their parents achievement? However what messages might our children actually hear? They include: courage, commitment, imagination and compassion, and oh yes, patience -- lots of it -- because it doesn't happen overnight. That is why a long-term mentor can also feel pride. Try The Behaviour Window. It's a pleasure to congratulate you on this lovely moment. To try to sum this up, I mrried and ended up in a small, isolated village filled with people who either did not graduate high school or barely achieved that level of schooling. Rather, relationship skills where we communicate respectfully by listening, by positive I-Messages, by problem solving with our child, will help ensure our children feel connected and valued, and provide our children with a sense of emotional safety. This canstop the development of their own, "You look really pleased with your effort". Especially when your best friend is saying You make me proud, they arent just complimenting you. "This isn't easy, but you did the right thing." Sometimes supporting a friend and letting them know you're proud takes the form of helping them cope with a difficult decision they made. We had a really nice time. A teacher or a mentor can be proud of their student, but you can't really be proud of your peers. Like I wasnt doing enough before? It can be something big or something small it doesnt matter, because the phrase is used to show their appreciation for your efforts and accomplishments. There may be times when he gets some details wrong, but no one is taking score about who gets the fine points right most of the time. http://pbskids.org/rogers/songLyricsImProudOfYou.html. Before you bring your GF home, know- How to tell your parents that you have a girlfriend, now. Her future mother-in-law (my friend) told me later she was proud of me. It will also help to give you a boost of confidence. 12. You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. 12. If a parent can say, 'I'm proud of you', then can the parent also say the opposite - ' I'm disappointed in you '? But only emotionally intelligent people understand why. 14. Those of us who were brought up around this attitude are understandably wary of the phrase, and likely to avoid it. When someone says Im proud of you, its important to take the time to think about how you want to respond. I was actually kicked out of my house at 16 by her and her new husband and had financial trouble during my years in school that she had contributed to, how in the hell can she be proud of me when all she did was hinder me? One of the wives of these manual labourers had befriended me in church and was an older woman. You are using an out of date browser. It seems to me that the authors of the study used the phrase 'I'm proud of you' as a catch-all measurement, to reflect a parent's emotional connection with, and support, for, their child - and that it was this emotional involvement that provided protection against suicidal ideation. Paul urged his young companion Timothy to be "a worker who does not need to be ashamed" (2 Timothy 2:15). 27. I have always seen it as, Ive been there, done that, and think you have done it too.. Yeah, If grandpa was here, he would have said the same. She texted back that I make her smile and that shes proud of me. The reader alone is responsible for any action they take as a result of reading this website. "How I do love you!" They may start to see their parent as being insincere, or even manipulative. Thanks for making us proud. Is it a parent speaking to a child, for instance, or a friend to a friend? "I know how you feel". But who are you to affirm? 4. After the game I took her back to her car, gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. "I'm so proud of you" In this sentence, "proud" being translated to is absolutely right, and is also OK. Ben Casnocha It is a darn good thing that you wrote your opinion; that I found it tonight, and that comments continue to be accepted. The effect of this praise might be opposite to the aim of the parent. Imperfect, striving, playful, loving, learning. Image used under license from Shutterstock, Larissa Dann. Proverbs 18:12 Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, but humility goes before honor. Why is this such a contentious phrase? Also, as bilabial says, I like the recognize traits he values in himself, like his thoroughness and carefulness. Image used under license from Shutterstock, research suggesting that parents saying "I'm proud of you", protective role in a their child's mental health, Should Children And Parents Be Friends? First, he is probably higher status / higher power. This is a very interesting discussion for me. Do you mean you are also proud of yourself or that you are proud of the other person? Here are seven possible ways to interpret his compliment. 8. . Linda Adams, in her book Be Your Best, quotes Charleszetta Waddles (African American activist): You cant give people pride, but you can provide the kind of understanding that makes people look to their inner strengths and find their own sense of pride. We learn from every step we take. . When someone tells you that they are proud of you, not only are they impressed by something you did and who you are, but they also want others to know it. Yes, I agree that it can also be very strong coming from siblings and spouses/lovers. Thats why we feel pride in our childrens accomplishments. If you had a hand in that success then I think it is ok to say, I am so proud of you as it does imply that the speaker played a part. Similarly, if someone tries to imply a mentor relationship by telling you, Im proud of you, its like a bad parent trying to claim the rights and status of a good one. . Its also important to remember the power of positive reinforcement and the benefits of responding with gratitude. For what? Sept. 29, 2020, 8:12 PM PDT / Updated Sept. 30, 2020, 5:34 AM PDT. Well, that means they're impressed, happy, and overjoyed with what you did, achieved, or say something. I dont care that I had to hear it from a video-taped personage. Id have fallen over from shock if I ever heard it from anyone in my family (& still would!). If youve finally graduated or youre the first one who got an A + in your entire family, your parents express how proud and happy you make them. On the other hand, my brother has said it to me, and although he did not play a role in my achievement, it still meant something positive to me and it felt good. Immune Response. But I want to let you know that I accept you whether I agree with you or not, and I'm committed to working on our relationship so we both feel . Express your own feelings of appreciation and gratitude. Oh, thank you, friend. . They seem to make him quite happy. "If by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people-their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties-someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is . For Stein, the worst compliment is hearing: "You've lost soooo much weight! Don't disguise it as concern, either. Im excited, are you? Do you really think this had a lot of positive impact on many children? Didnt your manager think you were capable of putting such a report together? How Do I Tell Him I Like Him The Best Method (Proven), What Does It Mean When She Calls You Daddy, Im so glad that youre proud of me. Pretty much an entire generation of American kids heard it from Mr. Rogers. Someone who credibly says "I'm proud of you" usually has two characteristics. They mean the exact opposite of what you think. By Ben Collins and Brandy Zadrozny. But one doesn't want to say that they're not proud of their country if they're looking to lead it. I think that the phrase really bothers me, because its like saying, Wow, I didnt think you were good enough to ever achieve -insert whatever here.- My fiance said it to me last night while I was doing the dishes. The administrator suggests obtaining professional advice on any concerns (including medical or psychological) the reader may hold regarding their children, themselves, or others. It isnt. I believe many people do not understand and appreciate the expression Im proud FOR you. And why should I stop using this phrase? There are some super special and engaging responses you can give when someone very close to you, says that theyre proud of you. 1. Luke 18:9-14 ESV / 5 helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful Someone has just gone out of their way to say something nice to you. Compare: "Oh bear!" 16. 7. I feel virtually murderous towards them. you see the work of your close friend and you tell him "I am proud of you". Proud Boys chairman Enrique Tarrio poses with a Proud Boys member at a rally in Delta Park in Portland, Oregon, on September 26, 2020. The proud feeling transcends from child to parent. Self-doubt can make it hard to accept compliments and to express gratitude for the words of others. 11. I avoid "well done" or "good job" for all the reasons Ive stopped saying "Im proud of you". People Who Say These 5 Words Have Very Low Emotional Intelligence. This will help to create a bond between the two of you and will strengthen your relationship. Reading the Parent Effectiveness Training book, or attending a PET course, will help develop positive and respectful parent-child relationships, and explore alternatives to praise. "Im proud of you!" . You are asked at the cocktail party what you do. 1. 2. The truth here is, different people say and hear different things in the expression Im proud of you.. I guess after receiving the compliment, I felt that he was patronizing me, because I have only had my parents or teachers say they were proud of me. In this sense, a mentor is a parent that you choose, and the desire for his or her love and approval is as natural as the desire for that of a parents pride. Look him in the eyes and smile. Most of the time, having pride about someone else comes from a place of superiority. I just graduated with my degree in hospitality." "Oh, a future barista," says the other guest, swirling his drink. (a short read). When we avoid the phrase Im proud of you, we allow our children to be their own person, to grow to their own potential - in a relationship of mutual respect. 6. I also have to let go of holding it against him, because I presume it was a well-meaning gaffeinstead of saying how happy he is for me, as hes never been belittling before.
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